city of boats & balconies

I went to Venice today. Barely. The airports were far, the flights were early and my energy sapped. Somehow when the alarm went off at 230AM, after having fallen asleep a stunning 3 hours prior, I got up and made myself look decent. Well, decent enough to get into the Uber for the hour long drive to the airport during which I promised my boyfriend that I needed the window seat on the plane to apply my makeup in peace. As I'm sure you can figure the makeup application occurred on the ground in Venice. I digress. 

If I had been alone and had to ask the concierge to print my boarding passes and pay the hefty fee for the transportation i didn't factor in when I made the impulsive purchase for the Italian Extravaganza there's a high chance I would've cancelled altogether. I don't know, maybe that's why I'm with him - he fixes the problems I don't / won't fix.

Venice is magical. Once we crossed the bridge from the train into the city and wandered until the sounds of rolling luggage and selfie stick salesmen died out I began taking pictures. Of mundane things too. I guess I was so worried it would end. The magic was bound to run out eventually and it was all I could do to capture everything and keep it forever. I am not a romantic person and I'll go so far as to say I would've felt this way whether or not I was wearing a new dress and with my boyfriend  and it happened to be Valentine's Day. While I have spent my entire travel life being told to be mindful of Italy because the men are pigs and the hands are sticky, I have been simultaneously inundated with romantic alliterations. And the latter wins out.

There was a couple in the gondola ahead of us who bought the extensive package that included a private serenade. Being in such close proximity during the gondola tour we had the privilege of being subjected to such luxury. Without a doubt it made the experience considerably better. I'm not going to tell you to saddle up and pay the 60€ difference. It probably wasn't that outstanding. But I've never felt the way I did sitting in the slim boat slowly passing balconies that have seen their fair share of Juliets, and alleyways that held century old secrets while the staccato of an Italian ballad echoed off the calm water.

We ended the day drunk on Italian wine & cannolis - my Italian boyfriend's favorite. If you're ever in that part of the world, just go. I've never heard regret come from a "what the hell" decision. 

a trek

I did it again.

Not move, sadly. Although Tampa will always be in my back pocket for those days I can be comforted by escapism. No, today I find myself in London. Specifically, in the lobby of Premier Inn perched precariously between Terminal 4 & a brand new KFC. A vanilla latte that would make your garden variety green aproned barista weep. There's a couple behind me talking about death but their accents somehow make it sound elegant. I don't know, I fell asleep in a cramped chair about six hours ago and woke up here.

I've been told my whole life that when a person grows up they can't ever really find a place that feels like home. First of all, bummer. Big time bummer. As I grew old and restless and set out to make something of myself (as unconventionally as possible because, after all, I'm me) something kept pulling me back to London. Maybe it was the societal standards, the archetechture, or political philosophy. I mean, probably not that last one but my point remains. The last time I woke up here was three years ago and there were times I didn't think I'd make it out alive.

Being back here now, older and with lots of life experience behind me, driving down the familiar streets and seeing the change and the constants, I realize I made myself a home. I forged a path in undiscovered lands,  slayed some dragons and got bruised up. But I licked my wounds and I'm back. Mamas home.

contradiction of epic proportions

I hate change. Can't stand the thing. Even if something is going absolutely terribly, I try to ignore it and stay as even keel as possible. That's how I landed in the hospital with near kidney failure the on the eve of 2017. I thought if I kept ignoring the symptoms, they'd go away and nothing in my diet or daily life would have to change. My idea of heaven. 

An IV drip and a few bouts of painfully (literally) aggressive antibiotics have taught me otherwise. 

I moved to the East Coast without paying attention to it. As previously mentioned, I got an idea and followed it blindly til I came up for air about three months ago. 

Look at this thing I accidentally did that changed my whole life! What am I like...

Now I've been here for 11 months. Been at the same job for 315 days. Been drinking this tea for 2 hours. You get it. 

I've got big life changes coming around the bend and I find myself already grieving the life I made the first few months I landed here.I'm still grieving the life I had in Edmonds. A whiff of Spring air sent me back to last year when I spent my afternoons in Tyler Park watching the river and today I heard a song I listened to with some close friends outside of Taki Tiki on a cold Autumn night that should have found us indoors. 

 I certainly don't think I've found a place to hang my hat yet. I don't know when I'll be done roaming, so in the meantime I'll keep my roots firmly planted in the ribcages of the people who make this all worth endeavoring. 

there goes the fear

So I did the thing.

It’s been almost a year and it still feels very fresh. A couple days ago I texted my sister  & asked what had happened. A year ago I was an infant teacher and living part time in West Seattle and sort of had a dog and a big group of friends and suddenly I was pulling into my boyfriend’s driveway in New Jersey after a long day reconciling accounting errors in Princeton.

Over the years I’ve grown acutely aware of my tendency to blindly follow a fleeting thought and only later come out of my Determination Coma to figure out what new path I’ve sent my vessel careening down this time. This problematic behavior is especially apparent when someone asks for advice about one of my weird adventures and all I can say is "Do it? Decide you want to do it and then don't stop until it happens?"  Because to be honest, I'm not even sure how the little details worked themselves out. But they also seem to. 

People ask me if I like New Jersey or PA or the East Coast and if it’s better or different or less colorful. I’m sure there’s some scientific explanation to this psychological marco polo game I play, but I don’t consider my life in Seattle and my life on the East Coast to coexist in any sense. This move changed me as all large, life altering circumstances are wont to do, and I feel like I’ve adopted someone else’s life and personality as a result.

If you were expecting this to have any sort of rhyme or reason, I’ve got some bad news for you.

I’ll be back with some photos that prove my existence over the last eleven months.

Tradition 2k16

1. What did you do in 2016 that you'd never done before?
Moved across the country, went to the jersey shore, ate food recommended by buzzfeed, accidentally broke up with someone I didn't know I was dating, had an IV drip, obtained a license from a state other than Washington, ate tastycakes and water ice, stayed at an apartment in Manhattan, organized a sexual harassment seminar, subsisted on a diet of protein shakes, etc I'm sure.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I wanted to read a certain number of books when in fact I didn't read a single one. Yikes.

3. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?
Financial security

4. What date from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Feb 26th - when I moved across the country
July 17th - best party of the year

5. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder?
Happier

richer or poorer?
Poorer 😬✌🏼

6. What was your favorite TV program?
Catastrophe, Cuckoo, 8 Out of 10 Does Countdown, Shameless


7. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Halsey, Alessia Cara, Hozier again.

8. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?
War Dogs, Sausage Party, The Boss, Deadpool


9. What books did you read in 2016 that you'd never read before?
Madeline Goes to London

10. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
Had to adjust to a new climate so let's be real it was largely a mess. But I'm getting back into the style I had before working with kids so YAY

11. Who was the best new person you befriended?
Peter obvs, Mike, Brian, Tim, Celene, Rich, Renee etc etc I've met a lot of people this year lol

Tradition 2k15

1. What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before?
Bought a car, house-sat, dog sat, went more than a month without going to church, camped at a music festival, took a 48 hr trip across the country, met the Mayor of something, tried smores with nutella, took an Uber, arrived at the airport forty minutes before my plane departed,

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't remember making any for this year. I would like to read 25 books in '16.

3. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
An out of state address.

4. What date from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 10th
June 13th
July 4th

5. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder?
-probably the same

richer or poorer?
-poorer

6. What was your favorite TV program?
The League, Luther, Scrotal Recall, Bobs Burgers, Archer, Scrubs

7. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Hozier

8. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?
Snatch, The Gift, The Longest Week

9. What books did you read in 2015 that you'd never read before?
The Martian, Girl On A Train, Dark Places, Sharp Objects, Elinor and Park,

10. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?
Very weird. It was super chill (v necks and jeans), but also like lots of lipstick and black and ripped jeans. Urban grunge I guess.

11. Who was the best new person you befriended?
Halyna

Tradition 2k14

1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?
Got an impulsive tattoo, attended a non-family member's first birthday party, spent NYE downtown in Seattle, developed a taste for champagne, dyed my hair red, went from a brunette to a bleach blonde at home, ate at Blue Bayou in Disneyland, had a surprise party,  attended an interpretation of Grease by a cast made up entirely of people with disabilities.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did not read 25 books, which if I remember correctly was my only resolution.

3. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
A car, and a California address.

4. What date from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I genuinely can't think of anything monumental that happened this year outside of trips.

5. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder?
-happier, probably? 2013 sucked. 2014 was recovery.
richer or poorer?
-richer

6. What was your favorite TV program?
Parks & Rec, The Office (rewatching it on Netflix), Bob's Burgers, Parenthood

7. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I fell in love with singles more than artists. I fell in love with Meghan Trainor, & Lorde's album.

8. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?
Monuments Men, Amazing Spiderman 2, Captain America: Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy, Pride & Prejudice.

9. What books did you read in 2014 that you'd never read before?
Sharp Objects & Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, We Were Liars by E Lockhart, I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron, The Time Machine by H.G. Wells, Pride & Prejudice.

10. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?
2013 was lazy preppy & I sorta kept to that.

11. Who was the best new person you befriended?
They aren't new friends but I definitely got closer to Courtney & Sarah.